How You Know You Are a Crazy Dog Mom

This is for the ladies whose babies have four paws and give lots of wet kisses.

  1. When you say goodbye to your dog when you leave for work you kiss them and tell them you love them 10 times just so you make sure they don’t forget while you are gone.
  2. It takes you 20 minutes to say goodbye to your dog whenever you leave the house but it takes 1 second to say “bye” to any humans.
  3. You can’t go out for too long without feeling guilty that your dog is alone that you actually turn down plans because of it. “Sorry I can’t go… I have to hang out with my dog.”
  4. Narrating dog thoughts has become a serious hobby and you are now a master at your craft and have assigned different voices to every dog that you meet.
  5. If your dog doesn’t like someone that relationship is immediately terminated.
  6. You make plans based around things you can bring your dog to. “Oh you’re free Saturday? Want to meet at the dog park? Go on a hike? That new dog friendly restaurant”
  7. Sometimes you get overwhelmed with emotion just looking at your dog. Like you could cry just from looking at them.
  8.  Whenever you hear about animal abuse you would like to volunteer to be the executioner of the abuser. Disgusting.
  9. You will think twice about paying $7 for shipping on an online order but as soon as you’re at the vet and it’s related to your dogs health you’ll drop hundreds without hesitation.
  10. You’ve never been more fit because you are constantly walking, running and getting active so your dog doesn’t go stir crazy.
  11. If another dog at the dog park is picking on your dog you think about fighting that dog’s mom.
  12. If your dog is misbehaving at the dog park you get super embarrassed. “Why are you jumping up on the picnic tables you little savage?! I’m sorry he isn’t like this at home…” 
  13. You get annoyed when people post excessive pictures of their children yet you will BLOW UP social media with photos of your dog. “I don’t give a damn about your babies first steps Susan, where is your dog? Give the people what they want.” 
  14. Your camera roll is 10 normal pictures & 19,938 photos of your dog. “Here’s him sitting for a treat… here’s him in the bath…. here’s him with his favorite stick…. here’s him pooping… isn’t he darling?” 
  15. If your dog likes someone too much you get jealous. Hello? It’s me… your mother… In case you forgot, I’m the one who feeds you… How can you betray me this way?…
  16. You’re more excited about finding a Halloween costume for your dog than yourself. “Oh my god it’s a taco costume FOR DOGS? Take my money please.”
  17. Dog hair has become an extra accessory to you. And as soon as you put anything black on your dog decides to be extra affectionate… they know.
  18. When your dog has some strange object in their mouth you become ElastiGirl and stretch your hand to crazy lengths down their throat to fish it out. And you have literally no idea what you are about to be touching with your bare hand. It could be a bug, it could be poop, it could be the Pink Panther diamond… you don’t know but you’re about to find out because now it’s in your hand.
  19. You are constantly sweating in your sleep because you have a giant fur ball sleeping on your chest. But you don’t mind because with great love comes great sacrifice.
  20.  If you see a dog locked in someone’s car on a semi hot day you will kung fu kick the windows in if they don’t return to their vehicle .4 seconds after leaving.
  21. Almost all of the memes you tag your friends in of dogs. Look at this silly pupperino. 
  22. As soon as you hear someone say “I don’t like dogs” you wonder how Satan has unleashed such evil upon this world. NOT TODAY SATAN.
  23. You don’t give a damn about the humans in the movie as long as the dog doesn’t die. And if the dog does die you cry for 3 days straight.
  24. Going to adoption events is not an option for you because if you go to one you WILL come home with at least 2-12 dogs no matter the circumstance.
  25. Sometimes you wonder what your dog named you.
  26. You proudly own the fact that you are a crazy dog mom and have sassy dog mom shirts and merchandise proclaiming you as such. DOG MOMS UNITE
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