Almost every weekend I see fit friends of mine with their medals in their workout clothes somehow still looking cute after running a marathon (just a reminder that is 26.2 freaking miles). It is so impressive to me because I know it takes so much hard work and dedication to train for months on end and I admire their commitment.
And I also think the chances of me joining the marathon running train are slimmer than Angelina Jolie.
I am a weightlifter and I HATE to run. The only time you could get me to run a marathon was if that creepy guy with multiple personalities from the movie “Split” chased me for 26.2 miles in a row (maybe one of his 20 personalities was a marathon runner, you never know). Then I would be able to run faster than all y’all.
So while I completely respect runners and their accomplishments, here are 10 things I would rather do than run a marathon.
- Get a tattoo of a quote then realize two days later it was spelled wrong
- Watch “Brokeback Mountain” with my grandparents
- Jury duty
- Sit next to an extremely sick person on a plane to Europe who does not cover their mouth while coughing
- Sneeze while getting my license picture taken at the DMV and have them not allow me to retake it
- Get pelted with rotten tomatoes while wearing my favorite white jeans
- Scoop up dog poop from every backyard in my entire neighborhood (50+ houses)
- Lose all my luggage at the airport
- Trip and fall while walking down the aisle at my own wedding
- Lick the bottom of someone’s foot after they had, just in fact, run a marathon
Once again this is in no way a diss to runners so go on runners keep on doing what you do. I will continue to support you and admire you and toss “likes” your way on Instagram.