10 Things I Would Rather Do Than Run A Marathon

Almost every weekend I see fit friends of mine with their medals in their workout clothes somehow still looking cute after running a marathon (just a reminder that is 26.2 freaking miles). It is so impressive to me because I know it takes so much hard work and dedication to train for months on end and I admire their commitment.

And I also think the chances of me joining the marathon running train are slimmer than Angelina Jolie.

I am a weightlifter and I HATE to run. The only time you could get me to run a marathon was if that creepy guy with multiple personalities from the movie “Split” chased me for 26.2 miles in a row (maybe one of his 20 personalities was a marathon runner, you never know). Then I would be able to run faster than all y’all.

So while I completely respect runners and their accomplishments, here are 10 things I would rather do than run a marathon.

  1. Get a tattoo of a quote then realize two days later it was spelled wrong
  2. Watch “Brokeback Mountain” with my grandparents
  3. Jury duty
  4. Sit next to an extremely sick person on a plane to Europe who does not cover their mouth while coughing
  5. Sneeze while getting my license picture taken at the DMV and have them not allow me to retake it
  6. Get pelted with rotten tomatoes while wearing my favorite white jeans
  7. Scoop up dog poop from every backyard in my entire neighborhood (50+ houses)
  8. Lose all my luggage at the airport
  9. Trip and fall while walking down the aisle at my own wedding
  10. Lick the bottom of someone’s foot after they had, just in fact, run a marathon


Once again this is in no way a diss to runners so go on runners keep on doing what you do. I will continue to support you and admire you and toss “likes” your way on Instagram.


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